horrific beauty

"We have made the bitterness of the cross, the revelation of God in the cross of Jesus Christ, tolerable to ourselves by learning to understand it as a theological necessity for the process of salvation. As a result, the cross loses its arbitrary and incomprehensible character."*

The Passion of the Christ created no little disturbance when it was released just under a year ago. Even today this movie is garnering much discussion (granted that it is now moving from more theological themes to artistic integrity and visioning). I believe that there is much we can learn from ourselves in our response to the film as we reflect in light of Multmann's comment above. Immediately there arose discussions about the historicity of the film - whether or not Mr. Gibson got the facts straight. Then there were questions about the theological placement of Mary in salvation. On the political level there was the question of how much the Jewish people were being "blamed" for the event.

In the midst of all of the question-and-answer time I hope that we were able to be shook by such a forceful reflection on Christ's passion. And while there are many who were so bothered by the physical brutality (which, of course, was a harsh reality), I would hope that our faith drove us further into his spiritual suffering - a far greater scandalous horror than anything else he experienced. Notice that the only time he verbalized his suffering was to express his spiritual anguish, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

We are so easily caught up with ourselves which is why we find it so difficult to see past the physical. This is an ongoing result of the Fall, which clouds our vision until the day when the veil is removed. I was onced challenged with the notion that a physical emphasis of the passion is only a product of an idolatry of self. I must say that I am compelled to agree.

Although I make it a point not to discuss this film with anyone who has not seen it, I will say that while internalizing Christ's suffering in such a visually stunning way was simultaneously the most horrific and beautiful experience I have ever dwelt upon. And while this is just a movie, it seems to spark something to those who seek. . .


*J. Moltmann, The Crucified God

how?

Valentine's Day has recently passed. And while it is indeed a day filled with much love shared from one person to another there are undoubtedly those who have spent their affections in vain. Perhaps it is the pig-tailed girl who passed a hand-made construction paper note to some boy who hasn't quite overcome his fear of cooties. Perhaps it is the emotions displayed openly from a hopeless romantic to a woman who desires to "just be friends." These are the all-too-common relationships that Hallmark hasn't quite figured out how to sentimentalize. . .yet.

What advice do we offer our fellow persons who continually pour out their affections in vain? You know as well as I do that there are many who will stop at nothing until they have captured the love of their sought after ones. And this perhaps goes on until our sad fellow finds himself in very sad and perhaps embarassing situations, having worn his heart on his sleeve to no avail and against the counsel of his friends. I suppose if this went on far enough we might get by with calling it disturbing.

We find such behavior disturbing because there cannot be genuine love unless such affections are reciprocated. We consider him a poor fellow because he has wasted so much care on someone who has no intention of giving it back, thus there is no hope of relationship. For those who won't give up the question arises: how can one care so much for another who cares so little about him? To continue this line of thought we might find ourselves in a discussion about obsession.

Yet that is exactly where we are. We find ourselves on the receiving end of a love that does not quit, that has a total disregard for any consequence, and which takes risks that can be characterized as reckless abandon. "For God so loved the world. . ." Remember? And his love is offered continually, regardless of the response of the beloved. And it can be characterized as obsession (at least it should be), perhaps it is the obsession - the only true definition of the word. The difference, though, is that his obsession is not because he desires so much for himself. No, his love is rooted in the fact that he knows what is best for us. And thus we also find the only true definition of love - all other acts are only dim reflections.

Now perhaps one of the most profound theological pursuits may be summarized in this question:
How can God care so much for those who care so little about him?


Jesus, he's the one
He's the one I'm looking for
And I'll never, never turn back no more. . .

Tell me where, tell me where
Tell me where he can be found
And I'll never, never turn back no more. . .*



*"No More"
traditional blues song

sleight of random

One can find theology anywhere. This makes sense since God is everywhere. You just need to sit up and take notice. Again I go to Chili's since that is where I spend the majority of my time these days.

I am convinced that many people would never eat at a restaurant again if they ever met any of the cook staff. There's a reason why these individuals don't make table visits (this isn't Emeril's, folks) even though the overwhelming majority of line cooks that I've met foster a great deal of pride from their work. One of my most enjoyable activities is relaying a customer's satisfaction or expressed appreciation (since they never fail to hear about the complaints) since it makes them feel great for a brief moment, knowing they've accomplished. I'm just saying that at first blush, these guys would make most of you blush.

As is common in high-stress situations (i.e., Valentine's Day, Friday night, and the like) the tensions run high among all of the staff at Chili's because everyone is concerned with doing the best possible job. While most of the front-of-house staff remain relatively calm, these line cooks can let it fly (both words and, at times, objects). The other day there was a blow-up between one of the guys and a manager. To my astonishment this man is still employed at this restaurant! When I asked a fellow server why this person was not terminated I was told, "Because they always need cooks."

And this is just dinner. . .

How often do we as believers look for faults in other believers? Not just have conflict but actively look for that which we can use against our brothers and sisters so that we can remove them from our circle whenever we choose? Based on these two scenerios which endeavor would you say has the more value?

And this is just the kingdom. . .






(but I wouldn't know anything about that, obviously. . .)

belly-button lent

Here we are again in the ever popular, growing by leaps and bounds season of Lent. Woo-hoo! Now we can all gather together in solemnity that we might grow closer to Christ through the tightening of our foreheads. And they wonder why no one even wants to get the point of Lent. In order to do my part (which - of course - nobody asked for) to prepare the way for our Lord at Easter, I want to take the next few weeks to focus on Christ and his death and resurrection. . .aaaaand, yes, our own mortality. After all, we are only human. I think this quote my be a good way to kick things off:

Viewed as a theological relic, the cross does not disturb our comfortable religiosity. But when the crucified risen Christ, instead of remaining an icon, comes to life and delivers us over to the fire he came to light, he creates more havoc than all of the heretics, secular humanists and self serving preachers put together.*

How little we experience of Christ all because we are so afraid of what might be in store for those who venture into the unknown depths of God. Thus we create our own religiosity which allows us to be comfortable with ourselves and safe in our beds. But there is a thief that is coming for us in the night anyway. A close friend of mine refers to such practice as "navel gazing" for it is no more worthwhile than believers who sit around and stare into their own belly-buttons. By rehashing the same old and tired traditions of a particular season we do little more than navel gaze, thus confining ourselves to spiritual ignorance. After all, there are many who need to know that the Lord is good but refuse to taste. . .


. . .and therefore cannot see.






*Brennan Manning, The Signature of Jesus (Sisters, OR: Multnomah, 1996).

faith in what, exactly?

Have you ever noticed that sixty percent of the Psalms are laments? Seriously, well over half of the Bible's own "hymn book" consists of poetry written with a bit of woe-is-me going on. Many times the psalmist speaks of his unwanted, unwarranted position, of how his enemies are triumphing over him, and questioning how God could allow his anointed one to suffer. Of course, I should also point out that in the midst of all of this there exists a firm resolve that the Almighty will ultimately triumph in the face of whatever forces dare oppose him.

It has also come to my attention that a good percentage of this blog has been in the style of lament. As both of my readers know. . . . . .this site has been driven by the journey on which I find myself, as all good theology should be. For I do not believe theology can exist without the everchanging real-life experiences of individuals who struggle with faith. By referencing a struggle I am not suggesting that one needs to continually question their belief system on a fundamental (superficial) level. The struggle of faith that produces our best thoughts of God comes from the wrestling in which we find ourselves pushing and being pushed in the night by a Creator who refuses to leave us as we are. It's a Jacob thing.

Given my present circumstances I can say that I am struggling - indeed, growing - in my faith. This is because I have a pre-existing faith on which I can build. A faith not in church, people, money, status, government, school, information, gadgets, music, military, pastors, jobs, youth, elderly, leaders, ideas, or self. A faith in God alone.

Here's the big question: A faith in God is a faith in what, exactly?

Let me explain. . .when someone professes faith in God, what exactly is the expectation of that faith? For all of those individuals who have repeatedly told me that God has something in mind for my situation or that God is at work to bring about good for me, how is this supposed to happen? Am I to believe that when I pray for a job to come available that God is somehow going to override the freedom of another individual (or group) just so that my prayers can be answered? Although I would suppose that many would cringe at such a thought, I do believe it is the most natural conclusion at which we find ourselves when we evaluate our own Godspeak.

Or does my faith say that God will influence those who are connected by his Spirit to do that which is in his will, therefore all we need to do is pray that all individuals will be open to his leading? If we follow this path then is faith relegated back to faith in individuals rather than in God? Where exactly is the faith being directed? Perhaps a quick answer would be that one's prayers ought to be that God's Spirit would be so compelling that individuals would be drawn in such a way as to find it irresistable. But that sounds too Calvinist for me and doesn't really seem to answer the question in the first place.

Many questions. Few answers.

I'm not trying to run the universe. . .I'm having enough trouble just getting through my section of it.



I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
~Psalm 27:13

feeling at home away from home

"All the pleasures of the world, and all the kingdoms of this earth, shall profit me nothing. It is better for me to die on behalf of Jesus Christ, than to reign over all the ends of the earth. 'For what shall a man be profited, if he gain the whole world, but lose his own soul?' Him I seek, who died for us: him I desire, who rose again for our sake. This is the gain which is laid up for me. Pardon me, my brothers and sisters: do not hinder me from living, do not wish to keep me in a state of death; and while I desire to belong to God, do not give me over to the world. Suffer me to obtain pure light: when I have gone, I shall indeed be a man of God. Permit me to be an imitator of the passion of my God. If any one has him within themselves, let them consider what I desire, and have sympathy with me, as knowing how I am straitened." *

As humans, we are created for community. This is part of the imago Dei which is stamped upon us. Contrary to what some have posited, God did not create this world because he was lonely and in need of something. The Christian doctrine teaches a triune Godhead, which means that God has never been in need of anything as he has always existed in a perfect community characterized by perfect love. When you translate that back down to us you find that we are people who are created for being with other people - communities.

And you see this all over our society and culture. There are millions upon millions of groups, cliques, subcultures, subsocieties, etc. . .in which we can and do participate every day of our lives. All of these communities have a purpose, whether or not it is explicitly stated by its members. Everything from running a business to having fun is fulfilled by these multi-person groups. So on this level it is not surprising that God's great plan for establishing his kingdom is a community (known as the church). The only real drawback to this is that churchgoers often superimpose ways of thinking and acting that are more suitable for these other groups onto the message and ministry of the church. Time and again the result is an ineffective body of believers.

When the church cannot help people (by either ignorance or apathy), then other communities will rise up to fill this need for a sense of belonging. Groups such as these range from both extremes: from bridge clubs to gangs. Either way, people seeking to belong will try and make anything into a fulfilling activity. People even try getting fulfillment out of church - rather than from God - either by controlling it or by participating in just enough to feel special about themselves.

All of this is to say that I am having difficulty fitting in these days. I used to work in a church and now I work in a restaurant. Somehow I feel more connected to my fellow coworkers now than I felt to the churchgoers that so often judged my every action. Somehow I feel more readily accepted as a friend and trusted ally by these (often) 'rough' characters than by ecclesiastical fundamentalists who always wanted to question my motives (no matter what I was doing). Somehow I sense a depth in these folks as they jump from relationship to relationship, beer bottle to beer bottle - all in search of their own fulfillment. And they do this together. . .in community.

I feel this connection because they are children of God and he is ever willing to run to them no matter where they are. I feel this connection because they have a passion. . .even if it is misguided. Although easily dismissed by many churchgoers, they are not fools. They have a passion and know that you cannot do much with wet wood. . .


. . .I would suppose this is why they often shy away from our gatherings.





*The Epistle of Ignatius to the Romans, ca. A.D. 100

cold chili for lunch

Today I was able to conduct a brief, unexhaustive, yet telling survey among average servers at the local Chili's restaurant. Knowing that there is a major after-church lunch rush on Sunday's, my question was simple: In your typical experience with people who are obvious churchgoers, do you find their attitude to be favorable or demeaning? The unanimous reply was a resounding "demeaning" (or "snotty") from each individual with whom I spoke. There was less time for these respondents to come up with an answer than if I had asked their age (Georgia math skills notwithstanding). I even received strange looks as though I had asked, "Tell me, is the sky blue or is that a shade of mocha?" A no-brainer at best.

Perhaps the "good news" can be found in the reply of one of the store managers who said that although this is commonplace behavior (to a small degree) in every Sunday afternoon crowd, in twenty years of restaurant work he has never seen it as bad as it is here in Newnan, Georgia. Well, you had to figure a first-place ranking somewhere in this state.

At the time of my inquiry none of these individuals knew anything about my educational, spiritual, or employment history. This led to all sorts of unsolicited follow-up comments regarding the nature of "church people." For instance, one woman told me that she can't stand religion and that she was put off mostly because of the blatant hypocrosy and stupidity of those people who picket and throw pamphlets in your face. Another told me that he was tired of being looked down upon because people feel that they're going to church coupled with his aparent lack of being in church made them feel superior to him (nevermind that these people have no problem whatsoever supporting his lifestyle by frequenting this place of business on a Sunday). Then there was a woman who said that she believed in God, read her Bible frequently, but had felt run-off by the "church people." I told her not to worry. . .so had I.

And now I feel more able to relate to these servers than I was ever able to relate to the vast majority of people at my last church. Because how quickly one goes from offering public prayers on a Sunday morning (which were obviously too long and too short) to being on the receiving end of a long an pious nose which only leaves the stuck-up position long enough to cast a condemning gaze upon another. You see, this was an easy survey to conduct and understand because I am now one of the servers who felt this sickening stigma being displayed today: people who spend their mornings listening about Jesus and trying to secure their own salvation followed up by a noontime meal flavored with self-righteous judgmentalism.

Yes. . .I am upset about this. Not because I feel bad - for I have been over this shallow puddle of churchianity for some time. Such two-faced action will have to answer for itself someday. Right now my concern is for the people who are being driven away from their God by a bunch of white-collars who can't get over themselves. This is becoming a major dilemma with few in the institutional church who care to take notice.

"Life in the church had become so small. . .It had worked for me for a long time. Then it stopped working."*

It doesn't matter what we do. . .money given, mission trips taken, buildings built, programs instituted, sermons preached, songs sung, choirs rehearsed, potlucks ate, offices recarpeted, prayers rehashed. . .unless we can first learn to care enough for those around us that we are driven to reach out to them as the everlasting arms of Christ and embrace them for everything they are - their successes and failures, gains and losses, beauty and warts, righteousness and sin.

If you love only those who love you, what reward will you get?
Matthew 5:46




*Kristen Bell as quoted in Andy Crouch, "The Emergent Mystique" in Christianity Today (November 2004), 38.

God in the dark

"It's a quarter 'till tomorrow; only half past yesterday. . ."

For the moment I have given up on sleeping and have decided to spend these late hours back at the mac. It's one of those nights where so much is going through your mind that you realize you've been staring at the ceiling for quite some time. Since I was a bit restless, I figured I'd get up for a while.

We watched The Village earlier in the evening. Instead of offering a movie review I'll just identify with the main character, Ivy Walker. Here is a blind girl who is driven out of love to wander into the woods alone for the benefit of her fiance, Lucius. Despite her obvious vulnerability, she risks her life and feels her way around in the dark as an act clinging to hope. Here is a plot to which I can relate.

Increasingly, I have been feeling the limits of what I can see and how much I really know. Don't get me wrong here. . .although I've often been accused of being a fountain of worthless information, I have never considered myself to be a know-it-all (those types of people irritate me). But seriously, more and more I feel that my paths are fewer, my options more limited, and my dreams quickly escaping. More and more my answer becomes, "I don't know."

I am in the dark.

And now I'm beginning to learn that feeling around in the dark is a good thing. I was recently told, "We don't always control whether or not the lights will go out. But when that happens, we can either be content to sit in the darkness or be so compelled to search for the switch."

I am not content with the darkness.

And then there's tonight. Here I am sitting in the dark when it occurs to me that there is work to be done, something to be found in the darkness. I consider this possibility because there was once a chaotic darkness into which a voice spoke and produced light. A short while after that the darkness was being removed by a light that dared step into the black. And perhaps now there is a light to be found at 3am.

". . .The voice often comes in the middle of the night or the early hours of morning, when our hearts are most unedited and vulnerable. At first, we mistake the source of this voice and assume it is just our imagination. We fluff up our pillow, roll over, and go back to sleep. Days, weeks, even months go by and the voice speaks to us again: Aren't you thirsty? Listen to your heart. There is something missing.
We listen and we are aware of. . .a sigh. And under the sigh is something dangerous, something that feels adulterous and disloyal to the religion we are serving. We sense a passion deep within that threatens a total disregard for the program we are living; it feels reckless, wild. Unsettled, we turn and walk quickly away, like a woman who feels more than she wants to when her eyes meet those of a man not her husband." *

Perhaps this is where the postmodern church is finding itself today. This could certainly fill another blog, but it is interesting to note that an increasing amount of believers are finding that they do not fit within the culture of the local churches. While it is not surprising that a generation of non-traditional people do not feel at home in a traditional church, there might be more to this than meets the eye. Consider that many believers who are not content to sit in the dark are handed nothing more than broken light bulbs from most religious communities - and then told to be content. Such a situation is definitely the source of a rather large chasm driving the emerging culture of the church forward.

Annie Dillard once said, "We wake, if ever we wake at all, to mystery." Such a reality. Such a recognizable fact. Such a truth. Such a missing component of 'typical' church.



*Brent Curtis and John Eldredge, The Sacred Romance (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997), 1.