Alright, sometimes conversations make or break your day. I just had one that did a little of both. Since I genuinely have an adoration for all except one of my former disciple students (keeps them guessing), it is always a pleasure to talk to them. This one was a very interesting encounter. It was humbling to hear him tell me how much he misses me and how much he enjoyed the class while I was leading it. Then he wanted to take a moment and reassure me since I had been quickly dismissed from the church for having a pastor who did not like me. Basically, he told me that his observations have led him to believe that in this district of the UM church he feels that only a handful of the pastors do not need serious counselling (his own guesstimation).
While this statement had obvious spirit-lifting qualities, there was something else that has kind of stuck with me. I say that the conversation made my day because it is always uplifting to be appreciated (something I missed from the church leadership). But I will never be unbothered by such disturbances within the Body of Christ. I think that we ought to be deeply bothered by it. I suppose that if I were working as a surgeon, then my ignoring of such behavior would be labelled malpractice; if I were an airline pilot, reckless endangerment; if I were a businessman, they would call it fraud. Yet so many have listened to my spiritual concerns about the climate and character of this church office and have quickly written off. And why should we care? It's only spirituality. . .not like the important stuff, right?
"Jesus did not come simply to rescue people for heaven, but also to have them know God's transforming presence. . .This different way of relating to God, the call to service verses power, and the road of suffering it entails will not be popular, and so commitment to Jesus' teaching and path is required."*
So it has been a long December and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last.** I will never forget the wonderful perspective that my friend provided (which seemed to fit): "so they have hurt your feelings a bit, good for them. They haven't touched you inside." That, my friends, is the power of God's transforming presence. Spiritual transformation is talked about much more than it is lived - which means what we're discussing is not really transforming. When it is truly experienced is when we find ourselves and our God.
Once when I spoke of passion to one of the key leaders in this church he said, "I think people just don't want that." I think that some people are just plain dead. The passion for God that comes through the transforming power of his Spirit's presence upon us compels us forward. For church leaders to totally miss this point is one of the biggest problems facing the church today. Spiritually clueless people leading. . .or was that the blind leading. . .um, something like that.
In any case, looking back at the last few weeks I cannot say that it has not hurt. I cannot say that I am unchanged. My honest prayer is that the church leadership can say the same. It has been a difficult road to be able to pray for them, but a very wise woman advised me to do so. No matter how absurd or difficult it seemed at the time, she was right.
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.
And it's one more day up in the canyon. And it's one more night in Hollywood.
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean. . .I guess I should**
I stand firmin my conviction that we are passionate beings who are searching for our creator that we might be able to make our way home. There are, I think, still some who are alive enough to press on with me.
So it's been quite a long December. . .like, I spent a decade there one month. Although I will not stop in my relentless pursuit of godliness among ourselves, held to the highest standards among the leaders of the church. . .I let this one go.
Thanks Ed.
*Darrell L. Bock, "Luke" in The Face of New Testament Studies (Grand Rapids: Baker Academic, 2004), 360.
**A Long December by Counting Crows
